I remember seeing the movie Quills – when I was far too young - specifically the scene in which de Sade writes on the walls of his cell with his own fecal matter. I vividly recall this as while my friends were being grossed out or in awe of his unstoppable artistic genius I was like yeah man, I dig.
I wouldn’t write though, I’d draw.
This weekend while thinking about me and what I’m good at I always came back to drawing. I mean, I can do lots of things – I can cook, curate, write, paint, watercolour, sometimes I can bang out a pretty decent poem at 2AM, I can make bunting and curtains there was a time when I planned and facilitated art workshops and public speaking but the thing that I will always come back to, is drawing.
He’s pretty good – he took me all of five minutes.
Pretty dark but it’s a bloody decent and important drawing. A heartbreaking but powerful moment right there and I drew it.
Then I think about what I like doing. I like drawing. I like drawing with kids – I love drawing with kids – I like drawing with anyone, anywhere. I like being able to talk about it and sharing it. I like life drawing, I like sketching, I like observational drawing, I like cartoons. I need to refresh on the jargon but I like reading so that’ll be a pretty easy thing to do.
That’s just the fine tuning.
So, really, all I’ve got to put the two and two together. Drawing and people.
Which leaves me to my biggest dilemma at the moment – my lack of confidence. I used to be someone who was quite extroverted – people found me full on – engaging, but full on. So some people went about putting me back into my place instead of staying true to myself I listened to them. Them who are very interestingly no longer in my life but still have a place in my head. Among the chorus of voices who tell me to stop, I’m not good enough, I shouldn’t do this or that. Shh.
And it’s really my fault for ever listening to anyone else.
I need to get on top of that because it’s stopped me doing so many things. I didn’t get up and ask or say the things I wanted to at the Big Hearted Business because of this, I didn’t talk when I met up with feminist writers a few weeks ago, I don’t introduce myself to people in person when I see them at events, I don’t think I can lecture, teach or offer anything BUT that’s really all just bullocks.
So, my question to you lovely readers, if you have the time is:
Where can I get some advice and even better - training - on public speaking? Links, tips, comments would be greatly appreciated!