It’s only the second day since things have resumed back to ‘normal’ – work, day care, early morning alarms and full up train carriages. Coffees that are too hot and people trying to aline their schedules to get things done.
Things get done, but there is always more to do.
How does such a small amount of play-dough spread so far? It is in everything and it has smudged every surface.
Nigh times have become sleepless again – there is so much screaming and tears and stomping and begging and negotiating and defeat and resentment.
I’m feeling overwhelmed today – as though I hold no power over my life. Not even my sleep. I can’t get sleep. No matter what I do – all the tips and tricks from Super Nanny and 1,2,3 Magic fail us in the night.
Everything fails in the night.
Where did I go wrong? Am I over indulging? Am I saying the wrong thing at the wrong time? Am I too kind when I am meant to be strict and too strict when I am meant to be kind? Is it obvious but I am just too damn tired to see it? Is it to do with me?! Well, it has to be – it’s always the parents fault .. right?
I don’t want to go down the fault line. Because then there is pointing fingers and fuelling fires and just feeling more unhappy than we already do. I just want sleep and happy – fuck, even content would do.
Day two and I’m already struggling.
The above drawing seems like it was made by another person; a person with hands and eyes that are co ordinated and thoughtful in that well rested kind of way – not the mess that sits here banging on these keys.